Confessions of a Recovering People-Pleaser
Hi, it's been a while!
Hi, friends! It's been longer than I meant it to be since I last wrote here, and if that sounds familiar (starting something, getting busy, meaning to come back "soon"), you're in good company. Life has a way of filling up the spaces we meant to keep for ourselves. I'm back, I'm glad to be here, and I wanted to talk about something I see so often in my work: the quiet exhaustion of always being the "okay" one.
The Cost of Always Being Fine
You know the type. The friend who remembers everyone's birthday. The colleague who says "no worries, whatever works!" even when something doesn't work at all. The one who can feel a shift in the room and smooth it over before anyone else even notices.
From the outside, that looks like being easygoing. From the inside, it can feel like running on empty.
If this is you, I want to gently say: you're not "too sensitive," and you're not making it up. You may just be really, really good at people-pleasing, and that skill might be costing you more than it's giving back.
Where It Comes From
Here's the thing I want you to know: people-pleasing usually isn't a character flaw. It's often something we learned. Maybe you grew up in a home where keeping the peace kept things safe. Maybe you were praised for being "so easy" or "so mature" and quietly learned that your needs were less convenient than everyone else's.
It made sense at the time. It may have even protected you. The trouble is, what helps us survive one season can wear us down in the next.
A Few Gentle Places to Start
You don't have to overhaul your whole life this week. Small shifts count.
Buy yourself a pause. Try "Let me get back to you" instead of an automatic yes. Even ten seconds gives you room to check in with yourself first.
Listen to your body. A tight chest or a sinking feeling is often your body answering before your mouth does.
Practice a small no. Start somewhere low-stakes, like picking the restaurant or skipping an extra task. You're building trust with yourself, one rep at a time.
Ask yourself what you need. Not what's easiest for everyone else. Just you.
Moving Forward, Gently
If you've spent years being the supportive one, it can feel strange to turn some of that care toward yourself. That's okay. This isn't about becoming a different person overnight; it's about slowly making a little more room for you.
What would it feel like to let yourself be a priority today, even in one small way?
Thank you for being here, and I can't wait to see you next! 😊